Hi, my name is Hwang Chul Woong. For those of you who know me, you might know me better as Mark Michael Gura. I have always been Hwang Chul Woong, but took on the identity and last name of Gura – a name I have come to respect, love, and admire. I want to share with you all the greatest miracle of my life and more evidence in why I believe there has to be a God.
Before I can get to the miracle, I need to take you back, back to the beginning of my life – well sort of. When I was about 4 and half years old, I was adopted to a loving family in North Olmsted, OH. I was adopted from Daegu, South Korea and never really had a clear memory or story of what happened for the first few years. There are a few memories, but I will get into those shortly. North Olmsted was your typical suburban neighborhood with not a whole lot of diversity. I didn’t always know it, but I was extremely blessed and fortunate to be adopted. Over time I realized how great of a blessing it was to be adopted, and without this simple act of unselfishness, all my family, amazing friends, memories, and career completely vanish. Sometimes people spend too much time complaining about the bad things in their life, or things that they want that they completely forget about all the good right in front of their eyes. I too am guilty of this sometimes, but I always try and bring it back to perspective.
I grew up surrounded by such amazing people and there is no doubt that I was loved and the Gura family is my true family. However, my relationship with my adoptive mother wasn’t always the best. I am not sure where the disconnect was, but there was never a bond there – well none that I can remember. I didn’t know what the term “motherly love” meant and definitely would not be considered a momma’s boy. This is not to say my mother is a bad person, but our relationship had to be one of the hardest parts of my upbringing here in the states. Over time I feel like this has caused me to become more numb to the concept of the term mom. Maybe this is why I always felt compelled to meet my biological mother. Perhaps it is the unspoken bond at the most primal level in which your mother is your mother, and instinct draws you to want to have that connection and to be nurtured and cared for by this person. I wish I had the full answer for you, but I don’t. What I do know is that I always wanted to meet my birth mother and never really felt anger or animosity towards her for giving me up. I don’t know why I didn’t have hatred or frustration in my heart, but I never did. I never knew much about my birth father either, but I knew that I didn’t care too much to ever meet him. I didn’t know if he was dead or alive, but I always had the impression that he left my Mom and perhaps this is why I felt no need to ever think about him. Or it could be that I felt that my adoptive father was one of the most patient and kind people in the world. I wasn’t always the easiest kid to deal with and I definitely got into my fair share of trouble – I would say behavior of your typical teenager – well maybe a little bit worse. My father was exactly that, a father. He set an example for me on how I would want to raise my children if I have some of my own one day. These lessons are to be patient, understanding, and always provide unconditional love – no matter what the children might say or do. I think we are all guilty of getting upset with our parents for no reason, but we have to remember that they truly want the best for us and love us so much. I think sometimes we take advantage or take them for granted knowing that they will just forgive us because that’s what they have always done, just like what God does. My siblings also taught me the true concept of family and I feel so connected, because only with them do I truly feel like I am part of something greater. My friends are also an integral part of my life and just an extension of my family. There is not one thing I wouldn’t do for a loved one and I know the same is true the other way around. This is why I am so extremely blessed – I was afforded a better life and to be surrounded by so many amazing loving people. I thank God all the time for letting me live such a privileged life.
As I mentioned before, I grew up with where there wasn’t a whole lot of diversity. There definitely was not a large population of Asian people in my hometown, my high school (I went to high school in another city), or my college. I came over to America fluent in Korean, but because of my family’s need for communication, I aggressively learned English and didn’t have anyone to keep up my Korean with. My native tongue slowly but surely left me. As a little kid, I was picked on for my Asian ethnicity because as you know, kids can sometimes be extremely cruel especially when something is different. Perhaps this is another reason why I wanted to further distance myself from anything that had to do with my Korean descent. My parents wanted me to remember my roots and made my full legal name Mark Michael Chul Gura. I simply dropped the Chul because at the time, I didn’t know any better. I guess you could say I was a Twinkie now– yellow on the outside, white on the inside. I grew up joking with my buddies all the time about Asian people and how we all look alike and never truly understood my own Korean culture, nor did I have any other Asian friends. When I would eventually encounter other Asian people, I always felt that they could sense that I had no Asian culture within me, and they shunned me for it, especially Koreans. I remember going to Korean BBQ’s and having waitresses come up smiling and introduce themselves in Korean and the moment they realized I couldn’t speak the language, the smile would immediately turn into a slight upset condescending look. Because of this, I never felt truly Asian and actually carried a slight dislike for the Asian community as well believe it or not.
Last year, I decided to make another big change in my life and made the trek all the way across the country to California for work. I didn’t fully know it at the time, but this was one of my greatest decisions in my life on so many levels. One of my greatest idols ever, Steve Jobs once told a story about connecting the dots. You can never connect the dots looking forward, only looking back. You have to have faith that you are making the right decisions for yourself, and make sure that you always follow your heart. So many pieces came together for the culmination of the greatest miracle ever and every piece had to do with a major decision in my life. Looking back now and connecting those dots, I couldn’t be happier with my decisions and it gives me greater confidence in myself with any future decisions I make. After I graduated from college I went to work for a best friend at his bar and after about a year and a half my other best friend asked me to move to Chicago with him. Within 48 hours I decided to make the move. This was the beginning of having all the stars align.
I knew I always wanted to do sales (I even sold vacuums door to door, well I at least I tried toJ) and so when I moved there I wanted to look for a sales job. Another friend I moved out there with convinced me to get an inside sales job with a company I never heard of at the time – CareerBuilder.com – a job I did not want to take. This job would allow me to meet some of the most amazing people as well as make me the business professional that I am today. One of the amazing people I met a few years into my career would be a woman named Mary. Mary would go on to meet another person whom she would later marry, and a person I have come to really admire and respect. Because of this new found love, these newlyweds would eventually move to Seoul, Korea because of a phenomenal job opportunity with Samsung. And so it begins…
Because of CareerBuilder, I relocated all the way out to LA for work and met another important person in my life – someone who is directly responsible for my trip to Korea. It is crazy to now think (connecting those dots) that this trip almost didn’t happen. I didn’t really meet this person out here because I knew her back in Chicago, but I didn’t fully realize how amazing she really was until I got to truly know her out here in California. This person is Megan. Megan planned a trip a little while back to visit her great friend Mary and her husband Andrew out in South Korea. I initially was not planning on going on this trip because of a destination wedding coming up in Costa Rica as well as time away from work. It simply was not in the cards for me. One night we went to our favorite Japanese BBQ joint by our place and after some delicious meat, a ton of Sapporo & Sake, she sold me like the great sales person she is. She mentioned to me that it was absolutely crazy that she was going to Korea before I was even though this was something I wanted to do my entire life. She brought up relevant points about how if I would have tried to do this trip from Cleveland or Chicago, how much more expensive the flights would be, as well as how much longer of travel because of distance as well as time change as opposed to LA. She also mentioned that we would have a free place to stay, and the people we are staying with can speak the language, know where to take us, and are just fun, amazing people to be around. I was sold and she made me book my ticket the moment we got home while still feeling a little tipsy.
After I booked my ticket, I started to do some preliminary research on my past and wanted to visit my orphanage. I contacted my adoption agency, filled out some requests, and was sent over documents I have never seen before in my life. In addition to that, my parents sent me over letters and things I have never seen and my emotions started to stir a little bit. One of the things I read in the forms was that the agency had no information on my biological family or my mother. It was kind of a devastating moment for me because now I felt that there was no chance to learn more about my past or to meet the woman who gave birth to me. I was told that I could write a page and a half letter and that they would have a little better than 50% chance of still trying to find her, and if they did, my letter would serve almost as a sales pitch to meet or not. What would I say? How do I sum up my life in a page and a half and hope this woman will want to meet me? Will they even find her? Is she alive? I simply could not bring myself to write this letter – at least not now. I then told the adoption agency that I wanted to visit my orphanage to see where I lived and that I wanted to bring all the little kids toys, clothes etc. They were able to give me a break down of all the boys and girls there and that I needed to meet with another social worker in Korea to fully plan my visit and we were to meet on Friday after I got there to get the details of my trip.
Megan and I arrived in Korea late Thursday night and we planned on going to the adoption agency around 10:00 in the morning – the timing is important and will come into play later. Megan, Mary and I all went to the agency and talked about the details of the trip to the orphanage and got the directions for how we would get there. Right when we are about to leave, Lee, Eun Jeong asked me if I have performed a search for my birth mother. I told her that I filed a preliminary search but there was no information available. She gazed up at me from across her desk and told me that she was looking at her Korean ID number right now. I was instantly flooded with emotion and I begged and pleaded for her to give me the information. She apologized over and over said that she was not allowed to do it and had to follow standard procedures and that the request itself would take a few weeks. She gave me a big hug and I told her that I completely understood. I took some deep breaths and felt some comfort knowing that my birth mom was alive, there was information, and that I could do another search very soon. I wanted to now focus on being able to take in the wonderful sights, culture, and the great company in Korea as well as my trip to the orphanage.
We went out and grabbed a great traditional Korean lunch and did some amazing sightseeing. That night Andrew came back from a business trip from China and he introduced us to some amazing cultural things and some of which included K Pop (Korean Pop Music) as well as some Korean drinking games – the Koreans love to drink and party! Let’s just say that we drank in true Korean fashion and I was vomiting over the streets of Seoul the next day and it was quite possibly one of the worst hangovers of my life. I am sure all the Korean people walking around me weren’t too appreciative of the mess that I was making. I have come to truly appreciate the Korean people and the culture – they are simply amazing. This was Saturday. Sunday came along and only one more day to my trip to the orphanage. For some weird reason that Sunday morning, I felt extremely compelled to check my personal email account. I had no intention of checking emails on my trip and I definitely did not have cell phone access out there. Right before I was about to log off, I noticed an email with Korean writing on it (initially thought it was spam) and I clicked on it. It was an email from EJ the social worker written on Saturday and she has found and spoke with my mother. Apparently after I left her office, she went on her own, contacted Korean authorities and police and was able to make something happen in less than 24 hours that typically takes weeks to do. I called her immediately, and next thing I knew I was meeting my birth mother in a few hours.
I was told that she was going to take a train up towards Seoul and I went to take a shower and try to prepare for this very nerve wrecking meeting. There were so many things I wanted to know about. Do I have siblings? What truly happened in the beginning of my life? Will she like me? Do I look like her? Will she be able to understand me? There were just so many questions running through my head and once again I was overcome with emotion. After we arrived at the train station it was a feeling I would describe as the combination of the anticipation of Christmas morning, going on a blind date, and about to interview for your dream job all in one. I was so nervous, but yet excited. As we anxiously waited for her arrival and after some intense waiting, I saw her while sitting at this table in a restaurant at the train station. She was being escorted in by EJ the social worker. We made eye contact and before she could make it through the glass doors, she broke down in tears and turned away. Was she coming back? Should I go run after her? I became numb and started to cry. After a few intense minutes she returned to the restaurant and we met each other and we hugged each other so tightly. I felt this amazing connection and calm come over me and I was hugging this woman who was my mother and whom I shared a striking resemblance with. I practiced what I wanted to say to her in Korean and I was so nervous that I was going to mess it up. Only after a minute of hugging her could I muster the words out. “Manaso ki po yo, sa’rang hay yo omma.” This is more of the pronunciation for you. I told her that I was very pleased to meet her and also I love you Mom. We gripped each other harder and then we began to cry even more.
As we sat down and my mother wiped the tears from my face, she immediately pulled out some pictures that she had been carrying with her forever and started to tell us the story in Korean. EJ was there to be able to help translate for us. She mentioned that she got pregnant with me when she was 18 years old and that my dad was very physically abusive with her and would cheat on her. She told us that I would run up to her like her little protector and say “mommy mommy, how can I help, what I can I do?!” She said I was such a little momma’s boy and would never want to leave her side. I then found out that I had a full sister who was 26 years old and that she has not seen her forever because my dad took her away when she was young. My mother told us that my dad was not there for the birth of my baby sister, but I stood by her the entire birth, holding her hand. My mother did not want to give me away, but needed to so I could have a better life and now I realize she truly did what was best for me, because I live such an amazing life today. The other thing you have to keep in mind is that in the Korean culture, it is extremely shameful to be a single mother and if she were to meet a new man, he does not have to accept me into his home. In addition to all of this and the financial struggles she must have gone through, this must have been quite challenging for her. My mom is a Buddhist and my other family members are Christian. A Buddhist monk reached out to her 2 years ago and told her that her son was going to come back into her life and going to come by plane. This was the first time she realized that I probably wasn’t in Korea. She didn’t believe it, but she would look everywhere for me and even check missing people reports to see if she would come across my face. The craziest thing is that this same Buddhist monk called her on Friday around 10:00 am (same time I was at the adoption agency) to ask her if she had any good news. She said no, and she asked him why, and he didn’t say. Saturday came and the Buddhist monk called again and asked her the same question. This time he told her that her son was going to come back into her life very soon and if she missed the opportunity, she would never see me ever again. At this point EJ called her and told her that her son Chul Woong was here. She called her back over 20 times to see if I saw my email and reached back out yet. She knew she couldn’t miss this chance. I don’t know what compelled me to check my email at that time on Sunday, but I couldn’t be happier that I did.
As we started to talk some more, my mother was quite shocked that I wasn’t fat because I was such a chubby little kid – you will see all of this in the pictures she carried with her. At this moment, my Uncle and his wife walked in. He helped take care of me when I was a little boy when my dad abandoned my mother. My mother than naturally requested to spend the rest of the day and night with me and wanted to take me to Suwon to stay at my cousin’s house – someone that loved me dearly and I used to play with. She showed me a picture of us together at the park. The park was the last day I was going to be with my mother, because she wanted me to have fun before she was going to give me away. She told us that I knew something was wrong that day and my emotions came flooding back because even though I didn’t remember the day in the park itself, I did remember the way it made me feel. It was a memory I completely forgot and it was triggered back. Perhaps this would explain when my adoptive mother would drop me off for day care when I was little that I would kick and scream and not want to be separated.
We then sat down for lunch, her nurturing nature immediately shined through. She sat there trying to feed me, put more food on my plate, and clearing the dishes for all of us. I was extremely nervous though about spending the night with my family I didn’t remember, as well as the language barrier. How would we talk? What am I going to do? Andrew was able to provide me some assurance and mentioned how he spent 3 days in Vietnam with Mary’s stepmom’s family for 3 days and they didn’t speak a lick of English. I was doing this for one night, with my own family, and Megan was going to come with me so this made me feel so confident that I could do it. As we wrapped up lunch, we worked our way back to Andrew and Mary’s place to grab some stuff for our overnight stay. We took separate cabs back and I rode with my mother in one, holding each other the entire way. After we packed, we all headed to the train station to truly experience Korea in its rawest form – with a real Korean Family that spoke absolutely no English. I was also nervous about how they were going to react to this blonde hair, blue eyed girl that was with me. Would they accept that she is with me? Are they going to look down on me for it? As Mary and Andrew gave us our final instructions and said good bye, we separated and walked into the train station. My mother immediately grabbed my hand and put it into Megan’s and then she walked to the other side of me and grabbed my arm tightly. This would be the same routine and the way we walked everywhere for the next 24 hours.
After our train ride to Suwon, Megan and I were just so exhausted. I never knew crying that much could drain so much energy out of you. I felt light headed, tired, and a weird foggy haze came over me. We finally arrived to the apartment and I was greeted by my cousin and her two little daughters - my second cousins. It was much later now and we all decided to go to the market together. The smells there were not the best and I could sense that Megan was having a tough time and the food would be tough for her to eat. We went back and they started to make a little traditional Korean feast. Megan and I had some Korean-English dictionaries and phrase books on us so we were doing our best to try and communicate. It was crazy for me how I was actually able to pronounce and speak the language considering I miserably failed the Korean Rosetta Stone. My cousin’s husband came home from work and we sat there using a little toy pad to try and communicate on the most basic level. My mom’s near twin sister also walked in the door and she immediately started sobbing. I didn’t have a clear memory of my Aunt, but I know I must have meant so much to her by the way she reacted to seeing me. It was absolutely a wild experience. Megan exhausted from the day went to bed, and because of Korean tradition had to sleep in a separate room from everyone else. After we sat around and ate our meal, we went into the computer room and jumped onto Google translator, and before I knew it we were able to have some great conversations. This carried on until I was no longer able to keep my eyes open, and it was time for bed. In the Korean culture, everyone sleeps together in one room and I was taken to a small room where I was going to be sleeping with my Mom and 5 other people. They reserved one mattress for her and I and we slept while she held her baby boy tightly for the first time in over 25 years. I will have to admit that I did not sleep well at all. I am one of those people that typically sleeps with just their boxers on because I get so hot at night. To be in a tiny room with so many people with no windows open made it difficult to sleep. It was funny because every time I would try and sneak away from my mother’s grasp, she would quickly pull me back in. I loved it though. We woke up around 5:45 in the morning and we held each other crying because we knew this was the last day we would spend together. My Aunts also heard us crying and we huddled together consoling one another. My family all woke up and the women got busy in the kitchen to make us a traditional Korean breakfast. During breakfast, my mother showed so much care for Megan and in the middle of the meal, pulled back Megan’s hair and put it into a pony tail for her. Prior to this, she also noticed my toe nails were a little long and clipped them for me. She was so cute with all her gestures and during this whole time with each other she refused to let me pay for anything. Even at the train station when I was putting in a dollar to get a bottle of water, she rushed up to me to tell me no, don’t do that! After we enjoyed our last meal together and we started our journey back to Seoul.
As we ventured back to Andrew & Mary’s place, my Mother and my Aunt held me in their arms and we comforted each other. We made two very exciting unexpected stops and because of our language barriers, we weren’t fully sure what was about to take place. The first stop was to get Megan and me some ice cream cones. Megan was absolutely thrilled about this delicious treat since she was having a hard time trying to eat a lot of the traditional Korean food. She was such a trooper though and gave things an old college try even though she knew she wouldn’t like it. I had to step in a couple of times and say no for her, and I loved that she was still willing to do it. The second stop was at the mall. We walked in and eventually made our way to the jewelry section. My mother wanted to buy Megan and myself matching gold rings, and we were both taken aback by this generous gesture. I now have something to look at everyday that reminds me of my amazing time in Korea as well as symbol of love on many different levels. After we arrived back at Andrew’s and Mary’s home, my Uncles and Aunts came up for one last time. They brought up a box of the famous melons that I feel every Korean is obsessed with and my mother cut them up for us to enjoy. We got back out the Korean-English dictionary and my mother started to point out words for me and my emotions took over once again. She started to point out words like “proud”, “happy”, and “strength” and then would point her finger at me. I made a gesture back to her and I told her that I would be back for her and that this was only the beginning. We all said our goodbyes and held each other for one last long embrace.
As I sit here back in the states, I can’t help to think again of how blessed I am and how crazy it is to think that I have two separate loving families. Some people aren’t fortunate enough to even have one. I think of how happy I am that my Mother is now remarried with her own Korean restaurant and 3 other kids. I love that she has that entrepreneurial spirit in her! I think of now how I cannot wait to learn Korean so I can communicate with my other family. One chapter of my life has closed and another one has only just begun. I can’t wait for what the future brings and I hope my story has inspired you to know that with God, nothing is impossible – the main quote of the adoption agency and how it couldn’t be more appropriate. Please remember to always have faith in your decisions and know that you cannot connect the dots looking forward, only looking back. Follow your heart and your dreams and everything else will fall into place, this I promise you.
Thanks for taking time to hear my story.
Sincerely,
Hwang Chul Woong
P.s. There are some photos of my journey at the very bottom of this page
P.s. There are some photos of my journey at the very bottom of this page
